4 months

So it's been about 4 months since Eugene and I split. The reasons are in previous blogs.

Today I'm feeling it. Not just feeling the heart ache of him doing that, today I'm feeling unworthy, like I don't really matter, like I'm not good enough and that I did something to make myself unloveable.

I know that this is stupid, and I know WHY I feel this way, but damn if I can help it. My boyfriend asked out someone else ( We are open it's not a big deal that he did that, but we are supposed to talk about it before we do so) and the fact that he did it when I'm already feeling ugly and icky and emotional as all hell really hurt me. It's silly and doens't really matter. and were it not my time of the month I wouldn't have cared in the least. well maybe a smidge, but it wouldn't be this bad.

I am totally able to acknowledge that I am over reacting, and I want to stop it, but it's not possible.

Now my heart is going into broken mode over something that he didn't even do on purpose, and I want to know how long I have to deal with being this tender and fragile. I don't want to be here in this place of hurt and yuck any more. but time won't speed up for me.

I don't feel too beautiful today, I don't feel too sexy today. I just feel like a blobby emotional mess.

and I don't like it.

I'm going to try to forcemyself tofeel better

I don't need much in the way of comments, or support I just needed to get it out