So it's been a while since I blogged, and it was a little iffy the last time, but you know what? I am so incredibly happy!
I am loved by a ridiculous amount of people! you all fill my heart with love and it spills over to all the people that I love, and that's so wonderful!!!
No other way to say it yall, I am a huge ball of sunshine lately! Smiling like a fool, and FREE so free, bills are a worry, but not really, and to be honest, they don't have to be, I make enough to live comfortable with no troubles <3. All I need to really remember yall is that I am A Child of the Goddess, and that the Universe is taking care of me. I've given myself over to her and the universe is going to use me for whatever it sees fit, and in the mean time it's going to give me JOY.
That's right I said it, I am FILLED WITH SUCH JOY! I am ALIVE I am FREE, I am SARAH HEAR ME RAWR BABY!!! There is nothing that I can't do if I put my mind to it, and nothing I could want more than the intense happiness that I have in my Heart right now!!
GODDESS THANK YOU FOR THIS JOY!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I can't express it enough, I'm dancing in my chair, and singing along to songs, and just so full of Joy I can hardly stand it! It's like Kittens, and Puppies, and Rainbows and Sunshine pouring out of my soul! I hope I can be this fountain of joy for the whole world! I've opened up something in my soul that I don't want to close! GODDESS I REJOICE IN THIS!!! <3
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Vacation Week has been so nice
So I've spent the last week up herein Ohio with My Mom and Stephi, and it's been awesome! I have loved it up here, and wish that I could stay another week, and just bask in the relaxation. Being an Adult, almost Divorced daughter gets you a lot of privilages that you don't get growing up, like being allowed to drive the car, not getting yelled at if you smoke.. ( yeah I quit, but I had a few, i think I deserved them) Divorce is hard yall, waaaaaaaaaaay harder than I thought it would be, not because we dont' talk anymore, more because we now talk ALL the time... way more than we did while we were married. We can actually communicate, and that's awesome, but I am so freaking angry at him, I know he's sick, and needs mental help to deal with his depression/Anger issues, so I am not yelling at him, but omfg I want to. I want to SCREAM at him.
Anyways, that's neither here nor there.
I rented a 17 foot uhual truck for Super bowl Sunday, and even if I have to move everything up those 3 flights of stairs myself, I will freaking do it, just so that I can have my OWN space set up, you know? It's a Beautiful apartment, and I will share with you all the wonderful Videos and Pictures of it later, ( when I get home and have access to a Computer Cord :) For now, It's just nice to know that I do have it, and that it's mine... and that when I get home I will be able to start taking loads and loads and loads of STUFF over there. I don't plan to jsut sit around you guys, oh no, I'm going to stuff whatever I can possible stuff into my car and take it over starting Saturday night, the table comes apart, so I will take that and the chairs can probably fit in my car as well, so those will come too. And of course all the boxes that are not too heavy to lift can come in with me saturday night. and I will start making that space mine!
this is rather disjointed I'll post more some other time, right now I have vacation Lethargy making me a bad blogger :P)
Anyways, that's neither here nor there.
I rented a 17 foot uhual truck for Super bowl Sunday, and even if I have to move everything up those 3 flights of stairs myself, I will freaking do it, just so that I can have my OWN space set up, you know? It's a Beautiful apartment, and I will share with you all the wonderful Videos and Pictures of it later, ( when I get home and have access to a Computer Cord :) For now, It's just nice to know that I do have it, and that it's mine... and that when I get home I will be able to start taking loads and loads and loads of STUFF over there. I don't plan to jsut sit around you guys, oh no, I'm going to stuff whatever I can possible stuff into my car and take it over starting Saturday night, the table comes apart, so I will take that and the chairs can probably fit in my car as well, so those will come too. And of course all the boxes that are not too heavy to lift can come in with me saturday night. and I will start making that space mine!
this is rather disjointed I'll post more some other time, right now I have vacation Lethargy making me a bad blogger :P)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Just getting it all out on paper
Normal Months Bills
Rent 688
phone 76
electricity 220
trash 5
water 40
house gas30
car insurance 120
car gas 50
netflix - 7.99
1236.99
After the first month electricity will be much much lower, this months bill is that high thanks to a deposit etc.
I will be working a few hours of overtime every week, 4-8 hours a week will be plenty to help me sock some money away into savings. so that eventually I can have a nice nest egg. Right now, I'm terrified that I'm going to be broke and alone, you know? thsi situation has seriously screwed with my trust, but I'm confident that I can mange this on my own!! and I'm supposed to get a raise in a few months as well, soooo it will be all good. Eventually things will be good, for now I will just pay my bills, and do everything I can to not go under. I may have to put off my surgery if I have to pay anythign out of pocket, but even if i do, I will still get it done.
taking all donations!
Rent 688
phone 76
electricity 220
trash 5
water 40
house gas30
car insurance 120
car gas 50
netflix - 7.99
1236.99
After the first month electricity will be much much lower, this months bill is that high thanks to a deposit etc.
I will be working a few hours of overtime every week, 4-8 hours a week will be plenty to help me sock some money away into savings. so that eventually I can have a nice nest egg. Right now, I'm terrified that I'm going to be broke and alone, you know? thsi situation has seriously screwed with my trust, but I'm confident that I can mange this on my own!! and I'm supposed to get a raise in a few months as well, soooo it will be all good. Eventually things will be good, for now I will just pay my bills, and do everything I can to not go under. I may have to put off my surgery if I have to pay anythign out of pocket, but even if i do, I will still get it done.
taking all donations!
life moves on... :)
It's been a week since the heart break. A very very very stressful, hard, diet unfriendly, painful, but productive week.
I have been staying with a friend, and went ahead and got my life started up again. I've been at work all week, but haven't really been sleeping much. so instead of sleep, I have been kicking it into high gear! i got a new apartment, in my price range, right near my job, so I can save a lot of money on gas, it has quite a few wonderful amenities, as it's a "Luxury Apartment" Thank GODDESS for my tax return, I was able to put the down payment on my new place, and get some new things.
my Friends and Family are going to help me move in to the new place over the month of February. Which is awesome, because I have a broken wrist, so I can't really do it myself.
Eugene and I have spoken a few times since this happened, but don't worry, I'm not going back to him, I'm going to stay in my new apartment, and we are going to get a divorce, I just have to do the paperwork and file it.
it's on the third floor, it's huge, and it has a garden tub :) Perfect environment for figuring out who I am. Perfect place to find the me i have never known.
I'm moving forward, and it's hard, but it's happening! I was shocked that I could still smile, and that I could still laugh, and joke... Just moving on.
here are some pictures.
I have been staying with a friend, and went ahead and got my life started up again. I've been at work all week, but haven't really been sleeping much. so instead of sleep, I have been kicking it into high gear! i got a new apartment, in my price range, right near my job, so I can save a lot of money on gas, it has quite a few wonderful amenities, as it's a "Luxury Apartment" Thank GODDESS for my tax return, I was able to put the down payment on my new place, and get some new things.
my Friends and Family are going to help me move in to the new place over the month of February. Which is awesome, because I have a broken wrist, so I can't really do it myself.
Eugene and I have spoken a few times since this happened, but don't worry, I'm not going back to him, I'm going to stay in my new apartment, and we are going to get a divorce, I just have to do the paperwork and file it.
it's on the third floor, it's huge, and it has a garden tub :) Perfect environment for figuring out who I am. Perfect place to find the me i have never known.
I'm moving forward, and it's hard, but it's happening! I was shocked that I could still smile, and that I could still laugh, and joke... Just moving on.
here are some pictures.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Heart break... divorce...
So... this is a rant... and a process and I am falling to pieces, and my heart is broken, and still somehow breaking more, and those bits are breaking even more.
Sunday 1/22/12 The day my life changed forever. We are just a month a way from our 4 month wedding anniversary.
it was about 2 am, and we were having lunch ( we work night shift) and things were going well. I asked him to make some extra shrimp Alfredo sauce, since he was making some for himself, and it smelled good, and he said fine,he would.
he brought it over for me to taste a few times, and it was good.
Then he started complaining about the dishes, and I told him I'd take care of them later, after he was out of the kitchen. He then started complaining about the general clutter in teh house, Well... yeah.. we both work 40 hours a week, our house is not going to be immaculate, you know?
So I told him I'd been working on it, and he knows I clean the house on sunday nights, when I'm home alone and he's at work, because then it's just easier, he's not in the way. and I can go at my own pace.
He started yelling at me. Which happens sometimes, he gets frustrated and it boils over, we usually have a fight, talk it out, make up and move on.
Not this time, he started yelling, and thenhe yelled more, and he just kept getitng more and more worked up, and he started calling me a liar, and just generally freaking out, He took my phone and threw it at the wall it didn't break, it came a part, and it's banged up pretty bad now, scratched up, the screen came loose. so that sparked another fight about how destructive he was.
He called me names, I called him names right back, and finally I said enough, We have got to stop this, this is not constructive, this is stupid. He was following me around the apartment cornering me in the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room, finally I sat down so he wouldn't be right in my face. he wouldn't let me alone, he kept pick pick picking at me. just wouldn't stop, so after about an hour and a half of this Ihad had enough and I said fine then, I'll just leave and come back when I've cooled off. He said he'd kill himself if I left, I said no you won't, that won't solve anything! I got up to leave, and he pushed me down, I was shocked, but just wanted to get out of there, so I got up to leave again, he pushed me down again, harder. it hurt.
I got up a third time grabbed my keys phone water bottle and purse and was headed out the door, because no way was I sticking around for that! He sat down in front of the door and wouldn't let me leave. I threatened to call the cops. we argued some more, and I was finally able to leave the house. I went to my car, he then called out to me " you forgot something! Take your dog or I'll kill her!" So of course I went back for my dog, then he got into the back seat, and stuck his leg through my door and the back door, so that I couldn't leave without harming him, which I was not willing to do.
I ignored him and went to turn the car on to maybe scare him into at least shutting the door, if he was going to come with me, we may as well come with me right? wrong, he turned and punched my dog in teh ribs three times. THREE TIMES he punched my dog.... I heard her sort of squeal and I freaked out he was hitting my DOG that's my baby! He was HITTING HER. I turned around and said you better fucking stop this right now you've just gone too fat, we are OVER, you won't ever touch my dog again. He flipped his shit. He reached up front and grabbed teh keys out of the ignition and then punched me in the face. right eye, swolled, minimal bruising, thank god. And I screamed, and got out of the car and started running away, he came after me. He tackled me to the ground and I got up and ran again and the process repeated itself over and over again my screaming at him to let me go, him refusing to do it, hurting me again and again and again, I called Crystal and she couldn't understand anythign I was hyper ventilating and could hardly breathe I was so panicked, he was hurting me. she called back and textedback trying to make sure I was ok but I'd dropped my phone and was running as much as I could to get away from him while he was grabbing and pulling and scratching me to keep me there. I made it nearly 2 blocks before the cops finally showed up, about 20 minutes of me trying to get away being thrown to the ground and hit, screaming at the top of my lungs for him to let me go... to just let me leave... he wouldn't do it.
The cops came, and he was put in jail, I will post the rest of the details later, reliving this is hard, I can only do so much at a time.
so I'm getting divorced. Bruised, sprained, heartbroken.. I'm so hurt my heart... it hurts
Sunday 1/22/12 The day my life changed forever. We are just a month a way from our 4 month wedding anniversary.
it was about 2 am, and we were having lunch ( we work night shift) and things were going well. I asked him to make some extra shrimp Alfredo sauce, since he was making some for himself, and it smelled good, and he said fine,he would.
he brought it over for me to taste a few times, and it was good.
Then he started complaining about the dishes, and I told him I'd take care of them later, after he was out of the kitchen. He then started complaining about the general clutter in teh house, Well... yeah.. we both work 40 hours a week, our house is not going to be immaculate, you know?
So I told him I'd been working on it, and he knows I clean the house on sunday nights, when I'm home alone and he's at work, because then it's just easier, he's not in the way. and I can go at my own pace.
He started yelling at me. Which happens sometimes, he gets frustrated and it boils over, we usually have a fight, talk it out, make up and move on.
Not this time, he started yelling, and thenhe yelled more, and he just kept getitng more and more worked up, and he started calling me a liar, and just generally freaking out, He took my phone and threw it at the wall it didn't break, it came a part, and it's banged up pretty bad now, scratched up, the screen came loose. so that sparked another fight about how destructive he was.
He called me names, I called him names right back, and finally I said enough, We have got to stop this, this is not constructive, this is stupid. He was following me around the apartment cornering me in the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room, finally I sat down so he wouldn't be right in my face. he wouldn't let me alone, he kept pick pick picking at me. just wouldn't stop, so after about an hour and a half of this Ihad had enough and I said fine then, I'll just leave and come back when I've cooled off. He said he'd kill himself if I left, I said no you won't, that won't solve anything! I got up to leave, and he pushed me down, I was shocked, but just wanted to get out of there, so I got up to leave again, he pushed me down again, harder. it hurt.
I got up a third time grabbed my keys phone water bottle and purse and was headed out the door, because no way was I sticking around for that! He sat down in front of the door and wouldn't let me leave. I threatened to call the cops. we argued some more, and I was finally able to leave the house. I went to my car, he then called out to me " you forgot something! Take your dog or I'll kill her!" So of course I went back for my dog, then he got into the back seat, and stuck his leg through my door and the back door, so that I couldn't leave without harming him, which I was not willing to do.
I ignored him and went to turn the car on to maybe scare him into at least shutting the door, if he was going to come with me, we may as well come with me right? wrong, he turned and punched my dog in teh ribs three times. THREE TIMES he punched my dog.... I heard her sort of squeal and I freaked out he was hitting my DOG that's my baby! He was HITTING HER. I turned around and said you better fucking stop this right now you've just gone too fat, we are OVER, you won't ever touch my dog again. He flipped his shit. He reached up front and grabbed teh keys out of the ignition and then punched me in the face. right eye, swolled, minimal bruising, thank god. And I screamed, and got out of the car and started running away, he came after me. He tackled me to the ground and I got up and ran again and the process repeated itself over and over again my screaming at him to let me go, him refusing to do it, hurting me again and again and again, I called Crystal and she couldn't understand anythign I was hyper ventilating and could hardly breathe I was so panicked, he was hurting me. she called back and textedback trying to make sure I was ok but I'd dropped my phone and was running as much as I could to get away from him while he was grabbing and pulling and scratching me to keep me there. I made it nearly 2 blocks before the cops finally showed up, about 20 minutes of me trying to get away being thrown to the ground and hit, screaming at the top of my lungs for him to let me go... to just let me leave... he wouldn't do it.
The cops came, and he was put in jail, I will post the rest of the details later, reliving this is hard, I can only do so much at a time.
so I'm getting divorced. Bruised, sprained, heartbroken.. I'm so hurt my heart... it hurts
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Woah random AWESOME idea! ( Crafty!)
Christmas tree could be covered in homemade ornaments ( country christmas style) with everyone in your family's name embroidered on it, to make it a *Family Tree* Wouldn't that be neat?
Friday, January 20, 2012
todays work out... and food!
20 minutes on teh treadmill between 11 and 15 incline.. that's really really high, ( 15 is the highest on these machines) at 2.3-3.1 mph, that was awesome, then 3 sets of twelve on the thigh press at 55 pounds, 3 sets of twelve at 45 pounds on the rower thingy ( technical name) and 3 sets of twelve on the leg extender thingy ( I need the names of the machines) 12 reps of 10 pound weights on both arms, 26 weighted twisty lunges ( 4 pound ball) and now I think I'm going to die... I celebrated the bad assery with breakfast tacos for protein noms!
So for the past few days I've been subbing two meals a day with shakes, breakfast and dinner, well I worked out HARRRRD today, that was a lot of work in 45 minutes lol, I try to make sure my workouts are packed full of punch, that way I can do it for shorter time periods, with the same results! ( spoke with my Dietitian about this and she agrres, upping your incline means you can spend less time so long as you keep your target heartrate for at least 10-15 minutes) oh boy do I! Inclines .... I hate them so lol <3
Anywhoodles, I had those two DELICIOUS breakfast tacos, and STILL ended my day under calories before you add in exercise, and I didn't even add in all of my walking today!
I'm debating what sort of "fitness tracker" to get I KNOW for a fact I want to get a Heart Rate Monitor for myself, I'm just debating on getting that and the new Nike Fuel, or just dropping an extra 160 and getting the Motactv + HRM that comes with it( for 60-70 bucks extra of course) it would end up being like 310 for that stuff, plus my juicer... so about 500 bucks total, not sure if Motoactv is right for me, but holy crap it's got some cool gadgets on it, like a gps tracker and MP3 player, it even tracks what songs motivate you the most and puts them into a special play list... ( Can you tell which one I'm leaning towards? lol)
Anyways, Have a great day all!
Edit: I just called Motorloa to ask them just a few question about their product, and they didn't know it at all! They had me on hold for over 30 minutes, and they didn't even listen to me the first time or they wouldn't have had to put me on hold at all! As cool as their tech is, it's honestly not worth it for the HORRIBLE customer service I recieved :( I will not be buying one... however the Nike Fuel sounds like its right up my ally, and I can get a heart rate monitor + the Nike fuel for less than just the motoactv.... besides I already have an ipod, so I'll just stick with that! <3
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)