Today, I got to see Pictures of my cousin Amber's first meeting with her brand new baby Daughter, and it was beautiful, Absolutely stunning, She looked at her and said " I've waited so long to meet you"
And I read that and my heart broke into a million pieces, apparently I wasn't using a strong enough glue to put it back together this last week or so.
I'm broken guys, So broken in fact, that I can barely function without bursting into tears
I want to meet my child so badly, my soul weeps for the chance to hold my wee one within itself. My body yearns to create life.
My heart cannot seem to be mended, I've been told again and again that I need to be patient, and I need to just chill out, and that I need to just relax, but it's been three years, and ten miscarriages... I want it to be my time now, I"m so tired of waiting guys, so very very tired of waiting.
I cry myself to sleep at night, every night. I am stressing out, freaking out, generally not good when you are TTC.
I'm exhausted, but can't see to stay asleep.
I can't make it through the night without needing a nap, I'd prefer they be three hours, but they tend to only be 15 minutes max.
I have wanted to be a mother since I was a little girl, I deserve this.
Do you have any idea how bad it hurts to have to watch all your friends get pregnant and bloom with life, while you can't keep a child alive?
Some of you probably know, and I'm so sorry that you know.... someone save me from this spiral of depression.
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