For me, I think that a woman's cycle is miraculous, I have had many different feelings about it during my lifetime, longing, relief, disgust, Horror, annoyance, dislike, and yet it all comes back to the original, longing, though now I'm longing for them to come for different reasons, now I'm longing for them to come as proof of my fertility!! Finally! Proof that I am a true woman, able to bear children, able to use my body to populate the earth with beautiful new souls, able to become what I was destined to be. a Mom.
While this cycle was met with a bit of annoyance, as I thought that I had already had my period, I am well able to understand and even accept that I am on my period now, in a way that I was not before.
This time it's not ovulatory bleeding, it's the shedding of the lining of my uterus. Which means, that in a few days, once this mess is all over, I can go back to charting my fertility.
I am really enjoying the charting, much as it seems silly, it's something that I can do easily, and it makes me happy to be able to figure out what my highs and lows are. especially since it will eventually assist me in detecting my fertile times, just 1.5 more months, and it will be time to make that baby happen!! I am so worried though, I have a long family history of " fertile Myrtles" and I have had two sucessful conceptions.. I just worry that I won't get pregnant as fast as I want to, and that I might not get pregnant at all.
What i would really love, would be to have twins! that would be so fantastic! I cannot even tell you how much my heart and soul longs for the dual evidence of Eugene and I's love for one another! he is going to be such a wonderful dad <3
And I'm hoping that I can be a good mom as well.
/sigh Ok well I'm in the middle of laundry,so I will write more at a later date, have a wonderful night. <3
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