so.... my consultation is in just under 2 weeks, and...

I am so freaking excited!

Have you ever just KNOWN to the absolutel DEPTHS of your being that something is right?

I know that this is the right path for me, and on top of that I Also know for a fact that after I lose the weight and get into shape and have a child ( I'm talking like a 5 year plan here guys) that I want to apply to be a police officer.

I am really sure about this. As sure as I was that I was going to marry Eugene and Love him forever.... <3

So July 15th needs to hurry up and get here! I because I AM READY to tackle my destiny! <3



just as a recap, i started my journey at 396 pounds, and am now 307. :) 89 pounds gone

more info.... and my list of questions for the dr...

so I started my weight loss journey 18 months ago at 396 pounds, I am now 305.

I need help losing this weight, it's not just about me any longer, now it's about my family... also Don't worry I already chekced pregnancy is totally possible after a surgery like this :)



this is a list of questions I have for the dr so far, I keep adding to it lol.
Questions:
-cost of procedures for in network patients
-how long do I need to be on a diet
-how long will recovery be?
-I want the sleeve because the bypass seems really dangerous to me, will that be a problem?
- what will I be able to eat after the surgery and healing?
- will pizza be a no no?
- I realize that portions will have to be smaller, what about things like spices and alcohol, will I have to give them up?
- I plan to have children later in life, will this surgery prevent that?
- can I get referred to a nutritionist who works for ADC and to Dr Ganta, Sashidhar V, MD for the actual surgery?
- Do you perform this type of surgery?
- am I a good candidate for this surgery with my PCOS, and Cholesterol issues?
-will I be able to use my FSA card to pay for the parts that insurance won't cover?

-How much will that portion be?

-Can I get meal plans, or examples?

-Is it possible to get a time line on recovery? when I should be doing what, and for how long?

What will happen during the procedure?

-Will I be given medication during the procedure?

-How long will the procedure take?

-How do I prepare for the procedure?

-Should I stop eating and drinking before the procedure?

-Are there special instructions after the procedure?
-When can I start eating again?
-Will someone need to pick me up or drive me home after the procedure?

-Is there a hospital stay associated with my operation? If so, how long is it?

-What are the advantages and disadvantages of this procedure?

-Will I have pain after this procedure? If so, how will it be treated?

-What are the side effects, complications and risks of this procedure?

-Will I have any long term complications or problems after this procedure?

- What sort of garments will I need to pack? Loose fitting tshirts? Should I invest in a house dress or two for recovery?
-Will I need to supply my own gauze for home care? How long will the wound take to heal?

- I have had family who had the gastric Bypass and they were horribly unhappy with it, not my aunt is unable to absorb some minerals and has to get enriched blood transfusions to survive, which is why I thinkthe sleeve is a much better idea, I ahve read some testimonials ( Ok a few hunred) And most of them see extremely happy with the surgery, which is why I really feel comfortable finally doing this

Putting it off, till I get it off... Not as dirty as it sounds lol

So Eugene and I have decided to put off having more kids until we lose this weight, giving ourself a full 2 years and change to get it off. :)

Eugene and I have decided that I am going to get a gastric sleeve surgery.

I go in on July 15th at 2:15 pm for my first ever consult, I plan to start a vlog to help everyone see how my journey is going. :)

Anyways.... just thought that you all would want to know. :)

having a toughday and trying to just get through it...

Harder than you'd think.

Anyways, so yesterday they removed the ectopic pregnancy, and so I talked to my lead and got friday off. And so tomorrow after I get my oil changed, I will be headed to Denton for a few days, to hang with my sisters.

I should probably eat.. but honestly? I don't feel like it. I am hungry, but not ready for food, I had some breakfast, which works for me.

Diet Dr Pepper has been good for me today though..,

Ready to go home and sleep have a horrid headache

Coping.... thank you Goddess for my Chosen Famiy!

So this weekend, I'm taking a three day, no idea yet if It's gonna be on Friday, or Monday, but either way, it's going to be a healing experience.

My chosen family, my Coven ( no matter their religion, they are my Coven, my sisters who are here to help me through anything, and who I am here to help through anything in return) has Knitting needles that work on my heart.

It's not that they will fix my broken heart, it's that they will knit the pieces together with their love, they will hold the pieces together for me, while I am too broken to do it on my own.

Thank you to my lovely sisters Tiffany, Jessica, and Kyrie. I love you Ladies. <3

warning these may invoke tears. It's how I feel though.

Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my son is in a better place,
Though it is true, I want him here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear his voice, see his face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don?t tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don?t tell me to face the fact he is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say his name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friend please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.


Judi Walker
Copyright 1998

---------------------------------------------------------------
I've lost my baby daughter,
Though not misplaced.
I feel she's somewhere
Bound by neither time nor space.
Perhaps she sits before the Throne
With radiant face.
She could be dancing happily
Like little girls do
With golden taps beneath
Each precious little shoe.
I know she must love music,
So I'm sure it's true.
I'm grateful that in Heaven
She is healthy and strong
And that she's lulled to sleep each night
By Heaven's song,
But I wish I could hold her;
Is that terribly wrong?
I sang so often to her
While she was with me
And I will go on listening
For her harmony.
How sweet to know
I'll hear it In eternity.

Lisa L. Easterling
Copyright 1990

First Ultrasound 6 weeks 4 days

I went in for my first ultrasound UBER early because I"ve had so many miscarriages that I"m high risk, and it's good that I did, because this pregnancy was ectopic and had to be removed.

I'm hurt.. so fucking hurt, crying alot and sadly having to work through it, because of the Attendance policy here requiring 48 hours notice.

But the good thing about it is that they caught it before my tube exploded, and the dr said that other than where it implanted, the embryo was healthy looking.

god this hurts so fucking much

17 days late

Pardon me while I go throw the hell up ... AGAIN

Ugh Either I've got the flue or I'm pregnant, going in for a blood test this week.

Positive vibes please <3

TUBE QUILT TUTE!

Take two contrasting fabrics, and cut them.into 2.5 inch wide strips, longer lengths are better, less waste















See the two side by side? Now turn them right sides together and sew a quarter inch seam









Sew slowly and in a straight line










See the seam? Very close to the edge










You will end up with a 4.5 inch wide strip. Now find another color tht you like with these two, and cut it into 4.5 inch strips








I chose a pretty purple










Now sew both strips into a tube, right sides together and sew a line up each side(to prevent bunching sew each side in opposite directions, I use pins to help me with that)







Get a ruler with right angles










Position the ruler with the angle line on the seam and cut









If this is what you are looking at, you did it right










Now position ruler on bottom seam and cut again










You will get this diamond










From now on just alternate the ruler from top seam to bottom seam









I got 6 diamonds out of that strip, the number will vary based on the length of the strip, but as I usually do this with scraps, reassure you any length will do







And there you have a double hour glass square :)











And all sewn together :)

12 days late and counting

I haven't gotten to the store to get a pregnancy test yet, I've been dragging ass all week, exhausted, and ready for about a weeks worth of sleep followed by another month of pampering and relaxation.

I am exhausted.

anyways, here's the symptoms thus far:

Random bouts of Nausea
Funky weird dreams
extra bathroom trps to go pee!
Acne
Moodiness in the extreme
tender breasts
weird changes in them, if it wouldn't be considered porn I'd just show you
Vision has been getting out of whack, harder and harder to force my eyes to focus
Clumsy!!! I ahve smacked my head on the wall, fallen out of bed, hyper extended my wrist, and broken my pinky toe this week.
Dizzy spells
Difficulty breathing, like occasionally my lungs just deflate completely leaving me breathless
a feeling of fullness in my pelvic area
fluttering, not like baby movement, because I know it's too early for that, more like how gas bubbles feel, only smaller, and in my uterus.

Will be testing this weekend... need to get to the dollar store and get some tests.

More weird dreams

Last night I was dreaming that i was in the dollar store, and I kept buying pregnancy test after pregnancy test ( Never bought one from the dollar store, perhaps I should though, And they were all positive.. O.O

And then another dream... I recorded it to my friend, but I can't remember what it was now. I just remember that it was strange.

anyways, still no actual period...Just spotting. O.O Taking a test this weekend I think.

Weird Dreams.... and other things

So I had a WEIRD dream That I was in Highschool, and the school was inside a mall, and the kids some how found out that my mom was a lesbian, and so they put a contract out on me, and someone pushed me down a flight of stairs, and then I was in a wheelchair, and my guide through the school left me, so I was wheeling around looking for her, when this gang came up to take me out, and I was just like, do what you got to do man, and they turned around to talk amongst themselves, and then this lil black kitten came up, and I picked her up and started petting her, and when the gang turned back around I was asleep in the wheelchair with the kitten on my chest, so I wake up ( In the dream) back at their apartment, and they called Eugene to come pick me up, and he did, and we went to the mall to get Pillow tea.... And then I woke up to my alarm screaming at me. ......

btw, pillow tea apparently is fresh hot tea, only instead of a tea bag, the tea is placed into silk "pillows" Because that allows for a better fuller flavor..... I know.. My dreams are RETARDED


So anywhoodles, Yesterday, we moved my step son into our home, he's 15, and a wild one. Within 5 hours of him moving in, he'd already called me a fucking bitch, and told me to shut up 6 times.... >.>

His dad was asleep, so I waited til he woke up, and told him what was going on.

Eugene asked that I not discipline Malachai, as Malachai has SERIOUS ISSUES with females in Authoritarian positions.... So I said fine, that's up to you, I won't worry about it.

In fact, until he apologizes for being a little jerk to me, I won't even talk to him. He doesn't want me to talk to him, so fine, I won't.

And I haven't.... it's for the best, if he was my child I would have smacked him... hard. But as he is my step son, I don't feel that it's my place to do that.

Which is sad, because he really needs his ass spanked... UGH.

He went to court today, because last week, he decided to shop lift.. and got caught. So that makes 6 tickets in 6 months, he broke parole by shop lifting btw.. sooooooo all in all, he is in a world of trouble.

*sighs* Will post more later.

Counting my blessings, and taking charge of my happy! :D

So you all know I"vbe been depressed, I still am, I don't know how to shake it, but I do know that I need to start counting my blessings and take charge of my own happiness, so... in respect to that, I"M GOING TO MAKE MY SEWING ROOM INTO A GAME ROOM FOR MY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I am so incredibly stoked about this, you have no idea. I'm planning to move my book case and tv and consoles into the loft, and move all of the sewing room things into my bedroom, also have to get a very large dresser upstairs to act as a storage space for all the fabric I'm actually going to keep. :)

Anyways, I will be posting before and after photos, so you will all be IN THE LOOP! WOOOOOHOOOO!

wow... that hit harder than I thought it would this time`

Another woman on my friends list is pregnant *sigh* I will get there one day, I will be able to post my belly pics... For now though, I need to get up and not be depressed.


Later guys.