cooking :)

So I took the day off, I just didn't feel like going into work, and being whined at by all of my customers.

Instead I decided I needed to *laze about* and by laze about I mean cook all the things, and do the dishes. Which were pretty quick and easy to complete. ( Just as quickly and easily as I redirtied up the whooooole kitchen :P)

I planned out a meal for tonight for Lee and Myself. it's going to be delicious and healthy, and homemade. so I made my plan.

I went to the store, I got a big bag of frozen trout, 3 cartons of strawberries, and 2 cartons of blueberries, and cheese, and spices, and lemons and pie crusts, and some pie pans, and a muffin tin, and a BREAD MACHINE this is where the lazy comes in :P I didn't want to do all the work of baking a loaf of bread, so I bought a bread machine, and as far as I'm concerned it was a 70 dollars WELL spent. I don't have to beat the hell out of the dough anymore if I don't want to. :)

Anywhoodles, the menu for tonight is as below

Parmesean crusted baked trout, marinating right now in pepper, salt, thyme, rosemary, and basil ( that will be in the crust)

random assortment of veggies from Lee's fridge that just need to be used

1 loaf fresh sourdough bread

1 strawberry pie ( no sugar added tyvm!)
1 Blueberry pie ( no sugar added TYVM!)

and because I still feel the need to provide healthy homemade goods for the man, the left over strawberries and blueberries will be used in muffins! I'm going to ask Lee if he can perhaps stop by the store and grab me some apples as well, but maybe not, I want to also make apple cinnamon muffins, but I think that MIGHT be overkill for now. I mean shoot, I kinda already made a lot of food :P.

The strawberry pie is baking now, and the blueberry pie will go in next, the bread is in the machine baking away :).

I am a happy panda for the moment.

When Lee gets home tonight we are going to have dinner, go for our two mile walk, and then snuggle in for a movie. :D

Good times I say, good times!

I am contemplating doing some laundry for him, since I DO have my cat over here, and she and his dog are shedding like mofos, but meh, who knows what the day will bring! I have some time to figure it all out.


Recipes for the above items:
Baked breaded Trout:
3 pieces of frozen trout
Parmesean
cornbread mix
rosemary
basil
thyme
butter
water

Marinade
Water
Salt
Pepper
Olive oil
fresh thyme, rosemary, and basil ( chop that basil please want to release the aroma!)

take a medium sized bowl, fill with water, add olive oil, add all the spices, mix it up a bit
place the three pieces of fish in there with it, set the whole bowl uncovered in the fridge for a few hours, how long depends on when you need it, but I"m defrosting the fish before I cook it, so it's been in there for a while. and I won't take it out til it's time to bread it. :)

When I go to bread it I'll throw parmigiana, cornbread mix, and the abover mentioned salt pepper, roosemary, thyme, and basil into a bag mix it up a bit, and then toss in the fish, one at a time, and shake til coated. ( I suppose you could use shake and bake, but I'm allergic to a lot of things, so I make it all myself)

Pie:
Strawberries x 2 normal sized boxes cut the tops off and quarter them, toss into a large glass bowl ( glass isn't important mmkay?) take two tablespoons of flour, and put in with the berries, zest one whole lemon, then cut it in half and squeeze all the juice you can out of it into the berries, the whole lemon should be used.

take a rubber spatula ( for the love of god just use it) and mix everything around in it, until all the berries have a light coating of flour, 2 tbsps is plenty, just keep mixing, everything will get coated I promise.

Take your pie pan ( I used the regular sized by anchor, cheapo at walmart I like them) and spray it with non stick, then if you are lazy like me, take that PREMADE pie crust, unroll it, and plop into pan, arrange nicely, take a fork and press down the edges and poke holes into the bottom, just press the fork into the crust gently, this is for venting, it's good for the pie, means less air bubbles in the crust, pour the berries in ( all of them man, you don't want to skimp on this) then take the OTHER crust ( since each package comes with two) and put it on top, arrange nice, then fold the edges under, and take a fork to the edges. Take a knife and make four slits in the top of the pie for more venting and pop into the preheated 450 degree oven! keep an eye on it, probably take about 20 minutes to bake, maaaaaybe 25 ( I didn't look ok, I'm a bad person) and then when it's all pretty and brown take it out, and snag a strawberry fromone of the top vents ( GENIUS RIGHT?) and then melt into heaven at that amazing and delicious fucking pie.

for the Blueberry pie do the same thing but don't chop anything up, and add 3 tbsps of flour instead of 2, more surface area to cover and all that.

mmm mmm delicious!

It's the day after summer solstice, and I feel lovely, as I generally do around the solstices.

Merry meet, Merry part, and Merry Meet again!

Blessed be my friends!

~Sarah~

mmmmmmmmmmmm

I feel sleepy, I want a nap, I always want a nap these days though.

Sometimes I wonder about my marriage, it failed, and though the final reason for me leaving him was because of physical abuse, i cannot help but take some of the blame for the rest of the relationship. I wonder occasionally if there was anything else we could do to have made it better.

I took a friend from work to my old place today. She's looking for an inexpensive 2 bedroom home to live in, and I know that my old place is under 800 ( her budget). So I took her by it. I had a really tough time controlling my emotions. I wanted to just get out and go see my old home. I am sort of crying about it right now actually. It really hurt. way more than I was expecting it to.

I don't know why it is taking so long to heal from this, I'm the strong one, the one who can heal from anything super fast, shoulder any burden with ease. and I am just having a really hard time getting through/over THIS ISSUE. I am thinking very hard about a therapist, but I can't really afford it, so if anyone knows of a therapists who will take new patients who can't afford a large session price, please let me know.

Just keep swimming!

Sorry about my bad attitude earlier, I was feeling shitty, and needed to vent.
I came home from work, and I baked two pineapple upside down cakes, and 1 pan of brownies, and cut up a bunch of veggies and meat and put it in the freezer for the next 2-4 weeks one off meals. some chicken breasts, and bells peppers for stirfry, some potroast and potatoes and belll peppers for potroasts...
and now I feel much more calm, and centered. It was needed.

4 months

So it's been about 4 months since Eugene and I split. The reasons are in previous blogs.

Today I'm feeling it. Not just feeling the heart ache of him doing that, today I'm feeling unworthy, like I don't really matter, like I'm not good enough and that I did something to make myself unloveable.

I know that this is stupid, and I know WHY I feel this way, but damn if I can help it. My boyfriend asked out someone else ( We are open it's not a big deal that he did that, but we are supposed to talk about it before we do so) and the fact that he did it when I'm already feeling ugly and icky and emotional as all hell really hurt me. It's silly and doens't really matter. and were it not my time of the month I wouldn't have cared in the least. well maybe a smidge, but it wouldn't be this bad.

I am totally able to acknowledge that I am over reacting, and I want to stop it, but it's not possible.

Now my heart is going into broken mode over something that he didn't even do on purpose, and I want to know how long I have to deal with being this tender and fragile. I don't want to be here in this place of hurt and yuck any more. but time won't speed up for me.

I don't feel too beautiful today, I don't feel too sexy today. I just feel like a blobby emotional mess.

and I don't like it.

I'm going to try to forcemyself tofeel better

I don't need much in the way of comments, or support I just needed to get it out