It's the week of second guessing all my symptoms!

And Third guessing,a nd fourth guessing, and pretty much just driving myself insane, are my breasts different than usual? is that a normal meunstral " Messenger" cramp? Is my sense of smell usually this accute? I can't remember! UGH I know I wrote down all my syptoms last month, where did I put that piece of paper? Do I smell iron? ( Run to the bathroom to check and come back releived that there is nothing there, but at the same time, freaking out that maybe my period is just late again...)

Oh dear Goddess, this is hard to handle! Why is it that some people can get pregnant so easily, and I, who have wanted children forever, can't seem to have even one?

I go in next week for a blood pregnancy test, because today I am officially one day late on my period,( I wish that was a definitive sign, but you know me, Irene Irregular!)

If it's not pregnancy this month, I am going to have to break down and go see a reproductive endocronologist, but Eugene doesn't want to get his sperm tested. *sigh* IDK, he's worried that it's him, I"m worried that it's me.

I would DIE to have children of my own. I love my step son so very much, but I want my own babies! I want to carry that child within me for 40 weeks, and breast feed, and be there to change all his or her diapers....

Am I depressed? You betch your ass I"m depressed. I'm so tired of not being able to have my own child!

Ok I'm not being productive here, I"m just crying, and being overly emotional.

I hope that out there, you all on this Journy through IF ( Infertility) with me understand that I'm not bitching at you, I"m bitching to you, My heart is being ripped out of my chest, and I just want the pain to stop.